This post was originally written in August 2012, but I forgot to post it and gave up blogging. I'm going to give it a try again.
I marked yet another thing off the list of "Things I'll Never Do Again". As a mom those are things you feel sentimental and sad about, even though you didn't think you would or you told yourself not to?
I stopped breastfeeding this past week. Oh breastfeeding, how I loathed you so many times. I struggled with both of my kids. Both had different yet similar issues with latching. In the end, I used nipple shields (silicone covers) for almost the entirety of both breastfeeding stints. Why did I do this, you ask? Well, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I'm stubborn. I had planned on doing it and come hell or high water I was going to do it. But the main reason for breastfeeding- the pure goodness that is the liquid gold that I can provide my kids for free! I couldn't get past the thought of not being able to provide them the best thing possible.
I was a formula fed baby. So are many of the kids my son is friends with. There's nothing wrong with any of us. So why was I hell bent on breastfeeding? I think a lot of it had to do with the pressures of society and what I should do. I tend to put too much stock in what others think. And if all the literature I read is telling me this is best, then I was going to do it. Even though I did end up breastfeeding, I still felt there's a lot of misinformation out there. I also feel like the moms who don't continue with it just don't have the proper support. Moms don't need someone breathing down their necks or making them feel like lesser of a person because they are struggling with it. They need to set small goals, ask a ton of questions to other breastfeeding moms and just take it day by day. The biggest piece of advice I could give a new mom who is struggling with breastfeeding- IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ALL OR NOTHING. I was so terrified to go down the road of formula and bottles at the hospital with #1 that his jaundice continued to get worse and worse. Finally I wasn't given a choice. #2 was hungry and feisty. After numerous attempts at breastfeeding and some small successes, I let the nurses give her some formula that first night to help fill her up. And you know what? I didn't feel guilty about it. My baby was happy and content and I was still able to breastfeed. Sure it probably messed with my supply in the end, but we went with it. One thing I learned along the way- breastfeeding will be even more of a struggle if you are stressed, tense or anxious. Trust me, I know.
Looking back on breastfeeding, I'd have to say I'm really proud of myself. I made it 6 months with #1 and 5 months with #2. You know that question that you sometimes get asked at an interview: What's your biggest accomplishment? Honestly, I would want to say "breastfeeding" as my answer. It's one thing I really struggled with, but stuck it out and succeeded. It was painful at times. I was tired and wanted to give up when #2 cluster fed night after night, but I stuck it out. I did it. Me!
I'm Just Sayin', thought of the day:
Nipple shields are your friend (if you are breastfeeding a baby). I don't care what a lactation consultant says, if it's between breastfeeding with a shield and not breastfeeding at all, wouldn't they rather have me do what helps me to continue breastfeeding? They are a thin, flexible silicone shield that helps the baby to latch and protects you from cracking and bleeding. I'm not saying don't try without first- definitely try to go without if you can, but if you struggle and want to give up, try a shield first.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Friday, August 10, 2012
Pushing Buttons
Why is it that our kids, especially the toddlers, know how to push all the right buttons to send you right over the edge? It can't take years of training because they are only a few years old! Does someone feed them this information? Like, "hey, if your mommy tells you not to kick the front seat one more time, pause and then do it again with a smirk on your face....that'll really get her". LISTEN TO THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH! I swear I utter that phrase dozens of times on a bad day. And I know that boys are especially bad. It's that male selective hearing gene. My three year old, Jakob, will just keep on doing whatever he's doing even if I'm talking to him within one foot of his face.
Can you tell I had a bad day recently? Well, I did. It made me question, once again, can I do this? I don't have the most patience in the world. Let's face it, i'm just plain old impatient. My dad is impatient and I learned from the best. My dear husband says to me at the dinner table the other day: "honey, you know patience is learned, right?" Oh, whatever Dave. I can go from tolerance to impatient in two seconds. I know that there are lots of factors that contribute to a good or bad day. Sleep, exercise, me time, a shower, food and of course caffeine. If some or most of those things don't happen, it makes my patience wear even thinner. This is why people always tell you to do something for yourself. When you have kids, you put others first a lot of the time. It's really hard for me to wake up and think to myself, "gee- I think I'll let my five month old cry while I exercise on the elliptical and shower". When one is content, the other wants something. It's just how it goes. What's the silver lining, you ask? What makes this SAHM job worth it then? I'm not sure I personally know yet. I know what those super moms and grandmother's who have been out of the parenting scene for years would say: "you'll look back on this someday and be so thankful for the time you got the spend with your kids...time goes by so fast...before you know it they'll be grown up". I know I should appreciate this time. Cherish and revel in it. It's just hard when you aren't used to living in the moment. I'm used to planning my future; planning my next steps. This whole adventure I'm on can't really be planned. Besides, even if I wanted to return to the workforce I haven't found anything that fits the bill. So, I must continue on. And I'll probably have a lot of bad days. I found that shedding a few tears and going shopping with a good friend after the kids go down to bed really helps. Talking to another mom with children similar in age to yours can really help you feel not alone. Thank goodness for good mom friends and mom groups.
I'M JUST SAYIN'- thought of the day:
I do not mean to offend anyone, but senior citizens should not be allowed to drive. At the very least, they should have to take their drivers test over again. I'm serious. Now that I'm home more during the day I come across senior drivers all of the time. Today, as I'm running late for an appointment, I found myself trapped behind a Grandpa going 25 in a clearly marked 35. 10 under?!? I think he hit the brakes 10 times in a one mile stretch and NO ONE WAS IN FRONT OF HIM!?! I know I'll be that old someday and won't want to be trapped in my house, but at the very least they should abide by the laws and speed limits. 10 under?!?!
Can you tell I had a bad day recently? Well, I did. It made me question, once again, can I do this? I don't have the most patience in the world. Let's face it, i'm just plain old impatient. My dad is impatient and I learned from the best. My dear husband says to me at the dinner table the other day: "honey, you know patience is learned, right?" Oh, whatever Dave. I can go from tolerance to impatient in two seconds. I know that there are lots of factors that contribute to a good or bad day. Sleep, exercise, me time, a shower, food and of course caffeine. If some or most of those things don't happen, it makes my patience wear even thinner. This is why people always tell you to do something for yourself. When you have kids, you put others first a lot of the time. It's really hard for me to wake up and think to myself, "gee- I think I'll let my five month old cry while I exercise on the elliptical and shower". When one is content, the other wants something. It's just how it goes. What's the silver lining, you ask? What makes this SAHM job worth it then? I'm not sure I personally know yet. I know what those super moms and grandmother's who have been out of the parenting scene for years would say: "you'll look back on this someday and be so thankful for the time you got the spend with your kids...time goes by so fast...before you know it they'll be grown up". I know I should appreciate this time. Cherish and revel in it. It's just hard when you aren't used to living in the moment. I'm used to planning my future; planning my next steps. This whole adventure I'm on can't really be planned. Besides, even if I wanted to return to the workforce I haven't found anything that fits the bill. So, I must continue on. And I'll probably have a lot of bad days. I found that shedding a few tears and going shopping with a good friend after the kids go down to bed really helps. Talking to another mom with children similar in age to yours can really help you feel not alone. Thank goodness for good mom friends and mom groups.
I'M JUST SAYIN'- thought of the day:
I do not mean to offend anyone, but senior citizens should not be allowed to drive. At the very least, they should have to take their drivers test over again. I'm serious. Now that I'm home more during the day I come across senior drivers all of the time. Today, as I'm running late for an appointment, I found myself trapped behind a Grandpa going 25 in a clearly marked 35. 10 under?!? I think he hit the brakes 10 times in a one mile stretch and NO ONE WAS IN FRONT OF HIM!?! I know I'll be that old someday and won't want to be trapped in my house, but at the very least they should abide by the laws and speed limits. 10 under?!?!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Testing 1, 2, 3
I've been thinking about blogging for a long time. My husband says I need a hobby. I love to communicate, be social, gossip, complain and give my opinion- what better way to do that then a blog! If you want to read a blog where everything is rainbows and roses, click the X on the top right of your screen now. I've been called a Debbie Downer before. I like to think of it more as realistic.
I do my fair share of bitching. But if you ask my friends, I hope they'll say I'm a fun person- at least that's what they lead me to believe. I have a three year old and a 5 month old- I'm new at this SAHM stuff. By the way, SAHM means Stay At Home Mom, in case you didn't know.
This blog will summarize the trials and tribulations of my new life experiment- life at home with two small children. I quit my not-so-great paying job because the cost of daycare and my take home didn't equal a lot of money at the end of the day. Besides, my position wasn't necessarily a career path I wanted to follow. Career path- that's a phrase I've been thinking about a lot lately. What if you don't care about your career path? What if you constantly feel inadequate because you feel like you should be caring about it, but you really don't. I paid a lot of money for a college degree from a private university- shouldn't I be trying harder to use the education I received? It's a constant internal struggle I deal with, now more than ever. Almost like I'm going through an identity crisis. Is a SAHM and parent enough of a title for me? It obviously doesn't pay well. I know I can't be alone in this struggle to find the perfect fit and be at peace with my decision. I know so many moms who stay home and make it look easy. I also know a lot of moms who work full-time and do the same.
Am I rambling? Get used to it.
For now, I'm staying home. I do look for part-time jobs on a regular basis. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel like IF I find the perfect fit, I'll know and then I'll make the change. But back to my identity crisis. Being a SAHM is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Unlike a job, your work never ends. You don't get to feel the satisfaction of completing a project and moving on. But on the other hand, I know that in a few years I will hopefully look back and the years I had with my kids and realize that I accomplished a lot. It's just hard to see that in the short-term. So, this whole thing is one big experiment. Can I do this? Can a person with pretty bad anxiety, insecurities and the constant need for social interaction be a SAHM? Stay tuned to find out. It's an experiment.
I'M JUST SAYIN- thought of the day:
Target is addicting. Two things you should know- the Target Debit Card is the BEST THING EVER. If you are like me and find the deals send your adrenaline through the roof, getting 5% off of everything you purchase makes you feel slightly better about spending money. This is a card directly connected to your checking account...no credit card bill to pay. Keeps you more honest! The second thing- PRINT COUPONS OFF TARGET.COM. They constantly change their coupons and you'd be surprised how many of the things you often buy are on there. It's worth a shot to look regularly.
That was my first ever blog post- how did I do? Who knows if anyone will even follow me. I think as time goes on my blog entries will start to get more focused and less rambling, but for now I'm just using this blank page as a sounding board; a place to right down my crazy thoughts. That's all for now! Toodles!
I do my fair share of bitching. But if you ask my friends, I hope they'll say I'm a fun person- at least that's what they lead me to believe. I have a three year old and a 5 month old- I'm new at this SAHM stuff. By the way, SAHM means Stay At Home Mom, in case you didn't know.
This blog will summarize the trials and tribulations of my new life experiment- life at home with two small children. I quit my not-so-great paying job because the cost of daycare and my take home didn't equal a lot of money at the end of the day. Besides, my position wasn't necessarily a career path I wanted to follow. Career path- that's a phrase I've been thinking about a lot lately. What if you don't care about your career path? What if you constantly feel inadequate because you feel like you should be caring about it, but you really don't. I paid a lot of money for a college degree from a private university- shouldn't I be trying harder to use the education I received? It's a constant internal struggle I deal with, now more than ever. Almost like I'm going through an identity crisis. Is a SAHM and parent enough of a title for me? It obviously doesn't pay well. I know I can't be alone in this struggle to find the perfect fit and be at peace with my decision. I know so many moms who stay home and make it look easy. I also know a lot of moms who work full-time and do the same.
Am I rambling? Get used to it.
For now, I'm staying home. I do look for part-time jobs on a regular basis. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel like IF I find the perfect fit, I'll know and then I'll make the change. But back to my identity crisis. Being a SAHM is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Unlike a job, your work never ends. You don't get to feel the satisfaction of completing a project and moving on. But on the other hand, I know that in a few years I will hopefully look back and the years I had with my kids and realize that I accomplished a lot. It's just hard to see that in the short-term. So, this whole thing is one big experiment. Can I do this? Can a person with pretty bad anxiety, insecurities and the constant need for social interaction be a SAHM? Stay tuned to find out. It's an experiment.
I'M JUST SAYIN- thought of the day:
Target is addicting. Two things you should know- the Target Debit Card is the BEST THING EVER. If you are like me and find the deals send your adrenaline through the roof, getting 5% off of everything you purchase makes you feel slightly better about spending money. This is a card directly connected to your checking account...no credit card bill to pay. Keeps you more honest! The second thing- PRINT COUPONS OFF TARGET.COM. They constantly change their coupons and you'd be surprised how many of the things you often buy are on there. It's worth a shot to look regularly.
That was my first ever blog post- how did I do? Who knows if anyone will even follow me. I think as time goes on my blog entries will start to get more focused and less rambling, but for now I'm just using this blank page as a sounding board; a place to right down my crazy thoughts. That's all for now! Toodles!
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