This post was originally written in August 2012, but I forgot to post it and gave up blogging. I'm going to give it a try again.
I marked yet another thing off the list of "Things I'll Never Do Again". As a mom those are things you feel sentimental and sad about, even though you didn't think you would or you told yourself not to?
I stopped breastfeeding this past week. Oh breastfeeding, how I loathed you so many times. I struggled with both of my kids. Both had different yet similar issues with latching. In the end, I used nipple shields (silicone covers) for almost the entirety of both breastfeeding stints. Why did I do this, you ask? Well, for a couple of reasons. First of all, I'm stubborn. I had planned on doing it and come hell or high water I was going to do it. But the main reason for breastfeeding- the pure goodness that is the liquid gold that I can provide my kids for free! I couldn't get past the thought of not being able to provide them the best thing possible.
I was a formula fed baby. So are many of the kids my son is friends with. There's nothing wrong with any of us. So why was I hell bent on breastfeeding? I think a lot of it had to do with the pressures of society and what I should do. I tend to put too much stock in what others think. And if all the literature I read is telling me this is best, then I was going to do it. Even though I did end up breastfeeding, I still felt there's a lot of misinformation out there. I also feel like the moms who don't continue with it just don't have the proper support. Moms don't need someone breathing down their necks or making them feel like lesser of a person because they are struggling with it. They need to set small goals, ask a ton of questions to other breastfeeding moms and just take it day by day. The biggest piece of advice I could give a new mom who is struggling with breastfeeding- IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE ALL OR NOTHING. I was so terrified to go down the road of formula and bottles at the hospital with #1 that his jaundice continued to get worse and worse. Finally I wasn't given a choice. #2 was hungry and feisty. After numerous attempts at breastfeeding and some small successes, I let the nurses give her some formula that first night to help fill her up. And you know what? I didn't feel guilty about it. My baby was happy and content and I was still able to breastfeed. Sure it probably messed with my supply in the end, but we went with it. One thing I learned along the way- breastfeeding will be even more of a struggle if you are stressed, tense or anxious. Trust me, I know.
Looking back on breastfeeding, I'd have to say I'm really proud of myself. I made it 6 months with #1 and 5 months with #2. You know that question that you sometimes get asked at an interview: What's your biggest accomplishment? Honestly, I would want to say "breastfeeding" as my answer. It's one thing I really struggled with, but stuck it out and succeeded. It was painful at times. I was tired and wanted to give up when #2 cluster fed night after night, but I stuck it out. I did it. Me!
I'm Just Sayin', thought of the day:
Nipple shields are your friend (if you are breastfeeding a baby). I don't care what a lactation consultant says, if it's between breastfeeding with a shield and not breastfeeding at all, wouldn't they rather have me do what helps me to continue breastfeeding? They are a thin, flexible silicone shield that helps the baby to latch and protects you from cracking and bleeding. I'm not saying don't try without first- definitely try to go without if you can, but if you struggle and want to give up, try a shield first.
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